Sorry I have been neglecting my space here. Its defiantly been a roller coaster of my life lately. We thought we lost Mom on Wednesday March 9th as her blood pressure went way low and she got sepsis. But thank God she is here still fighting. So lot's of trips of going back and forth. And with the cost of gas expenses are out the window.
Especially when you are eating fast food left and right. But today I am making baked chicken wings. Yum. And I am thinking of making cupcakes afterwards.
My grandma's death anniversary was on March 3rd. I really pray that my Mom doesn't join her Mom anytime soon. But I know in the end it is not up to us of how long we live. It is out of our control. I just don't like seeing my Mom suffer. I can't believe it's only been 2 months since this all began. It seems like a lifetime ago.
My girl turned 13 on the 7th. This past Wednesday she cried so hard and I guess my Mom was coherent to see that and she kept grabbing for her hand. So bittersweet. I took her out of school for a couple of days and we spent all day Friday with Mom. The girl and Mom had a lot of heart to heart talks. Hopefully that helped the both of them.
My Mom wants to fight. She's talking about how cancer has no right to her life. Only God has that right. How cancer has no right to make her grandkids cry. This makes me so happy to hear as the other day she had said she wished she had died on Wednesday.
My older sister called upset earlier as a doctor wanted to give it straight (which we already know) how Mom's cancer is inoperable. But we are believers and if it is God's will he will heal her and make it possible for her to be cured. That is what I have to believe in. Hope for. It's my Mom. I would like to think that her time on earth is not done with.
I will admit I started freaking out when I heard she had sepsis cause that is what my father had died of in January. But thank goodness she no longer has it and is no longer in ICU. We plan on seeing her tomorrow. My boy hasn't seen her as he was to young to see her in the ICU. Probably best he didn't as the first night we had to gown up cause they thought she might have had Cdif. All these new terms I am having to learn. I guess that is just part of the package. This new life. It will be bleak without my Mom in it. So I'm going to attempt to be positive and to believe. It's the only thing I know how to do and to be there for my Mom.