Rambling Thoughts about my Mother
I love to write. I must have gotten that from my Mom. Ever since I was a little kid I would write all sorts of stories and make illustrations to go along with the story. I remember doing it for a long time. But I stopped once I got done with college and real life hit. I'm reminded of this as my younger sister found notebooks of where my Mother journaled. I had to smile at that. So instead of taking it in an online version she took hand and paper to write her thoughts down. That doesn't surprise me. I believe my Mom was very creative in her own way. She just didn't share that a lot with others.
It's hard to imagine that my Mother is gone. In my head I've been tracking how long it's been. And this Friday it will be 6 weeks. So unreal. It still feels like so much like a dream. But it is my reality. I will eventually come to terms with it.
2011 has not been kind. And cancer is ugly. If that is the only thing I learn about my experience with my Mom. Than that is a lesson I will always remember.
But I know that my Mom is in the arms of God. Even though my heart is broken and I wish she was here with me.
I'm going to try to write in here more often. As having a outlet is a good thing after all. And I find some comfort in writing words. In just letting my thoughts spill on out.
I am blown away by how much I miss my Mom. People were not kidding when they said the littlest things would be a trigger. They were right. I still long for my Mom to still be here with us. To make memories with us. To share life with us.
I feel like I need to apologize to my Mother for getting cancer. I hated that she suffered like she did. I think she hid a lot of her pain from us. Because that was the kind of person she was. It wasn't fair to her. But than again whoever said that life was fair? I wish I could have taken her place or been able to take some of that ordeal from her.
It's hard to imagine that my Mother is gone. In my head I've been tracking how long it's been. And this Friday it will be 6 weeks. So unreal. It still feels like so much like a dream. But it is my reality. I will eventually come to terms with it.
2011 has not been kind. And cancer is ugly. If that is the only thing I learn about my experience with my Mom. Than that is a lesson I will always remember.
But I know that my Mom is in the arms of God. Even though my heart is broken and I wish she was here with me.
I'm going to try to write in here more often. As having a outlet is a good thing after all. And I find some comfort in writing words. In just letting my thoughts spill on out.
I am blown away by how much I miss my Mom. People were not kidding when they said the littlest things would be a trigger. They were right. I still long for my Mom to still be here with us. To make memories with us. To share life with us.
I feel like I need to apologize to my Mother for getting cancer. I hated that she suffered like she did. I think she hid a lot of her pain from us. Because that was the kind of person she was. It wasn't fair to her. But than again whoever said that life was fair? I wish I could have taken her place or been able to take some of that ordeal from her.
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