Friday, June 17, 2011

I don't dream of Mom every night like my younger sister does. My depression doesn't seem as intense as my older sister's. Guess that is why I'm the middle sister. Hee.

 I think I am still able to function.

 I just can't seem to cook for some reason and find myself eating out a lot since I have that money from my Mom's life insurance. I don't get why I can't cook. But than again I barely do the laundry or dishes.With all the busyness and chaos of these last few months I guess after Mom died it was like as if the world stopped and I didn't know what to do anymore.

 I had a really hard time finishing the school year out with the boy. I hope I didn't fail him. I had a lot on my mind and a lot to deal with in it being our first year of homeschooling. I pray, I plead that 2012 is much kinder.

 My older sister seems angier than me in circrumstances. Of how things went down in the end. But I guess every person is different in how they handle things, like such things as loss. I really am not sure what is going on with my younger sister. She's been kind of quiet. She has mentioned staying in bed when I mentioned I did that a time or two.

Sometimes, life just gets so overwhelming, you just got to hide for a little bit.

Also a part of me thinks if I stop and stay still, I'll just collapse.

I love my Mom. I can't say loved, just yet. I miss her a lot. It's so painful how badly I miss her. It's so unreal that she is gone. It is all like a bad dream that I wish I could just wake up from and laugh at it all. But no, this is my reality. This is my life, right now. We didn't have the greatest relationship. But she was a good mom to me and a GREAT grandma to the kids. I hope they never forget her.


Anonymous said...

Mel, I am sorry for your loss.
I can truly say that I can relate to the feelings you've described here.
Thank you for your kind words earlier on my blog post about my Dad. Although I would never wish this grief on anyone, sometimes you don't feel so alone when you find someone going through the same types of feelings that you're having.
Prayers going up for you...

Mel said...

Thank you. I lost both parents within 3 months this year. My father had health issues so his was a steady decline. But my mother was healthy until she was diagnosed with pancretic cancer a week after my father died. Still trying to process what happened and try to get use to what my life is now. I was a lot closer to my mom and I feel like a part of me has been cut off. But I am here to listen and offer whatever support I can. A loss is a loss. Prayers to you to!