Saturday, October 23, 2010

This Thing Called Life

I am breaking my own 'rule' of posting on a weekend. Well because life has been crazy. I can't seem to get back into blogging since my Vegas trip. And well life has been chaotic at best. So by the time I do get on the computer I have no desire to write but simply to read others posts. I know most times I do blog hops and meme's but even that has just been to much work lately.

I've had to deal with kids mostly. Have to figure out how to school a boy. That's been my biggsest stress. He had a total meltdown at cub scouts the other day and it blew me away. I just want what is best for him. It breaks my heart when I feel like I can't do anything for him. Than the other boy. He can't seem to make the right choices that he needs to and keeps ending up in trouble. This time legally. At least the girls are doing okay. Even if one is mouthy.

So on top of that I get a call from back east. My father was in ICU for a while. And I was wondering if this would end up being THAT call later. It didn't as he's getting better. But I'm so mixed up in how I should feel about that. Because I don't have this great father daughter relationship. Well for one we live on opposite coasts. My parents split when I was 5 and I've only seen him sporadically and well he doesn't really make an effort to stay in touch. Than my mother calls me to tell me she thinks she has shingles and she has pain. So yeah. I really hate this thing called getting older. Just last week, I had 2 friends have to bury their father's. I know, I know its a part of life. It doesn't make it easier though.

I still don't know what my 'voice' is on this blog. But maybe it will help even when I ramble. I guess what I mean by voice is I don't think I have a certain theme with this blog. Its a mish mash of things. Eccentric I guess? Hee. My playground of thoughts and what nots.

 I've also had to change my life  around as I feel like I have to sit next to my boy when he does his homework to make sure he stays on task etc. Its very time consuming and overwhelming. I can't even imagine what it is he must be feeling. If I'm getting overwhelmed helping him what must he be feeling trying to do the work? We are getting him tested to see what else is going on with him learning wise. We have applyed for a charter school that belives in homeschooling. I'm nervous and excited about that. But with all the things that has been happening pertaining to him I think that is the best call we can make for him right now.

I guess this post is a brain dump of what is going on in my head. It's not a post about rainbows and flowers. But again that is not what life is about. You get the clouds and the rain. Just depends on how you handle it. Me? Sometimes, I just want to shake my fist or throw a temper tantrum and have someone else take care of me. I'm suppose to be the grown up here and I'm suppose to take care of things. Somtimes, I just really don't want to. Guess that's a part of being human.

So needless to say I'm not going to apologize for my lack of posts though I feel guilty about that. But this is suppose to be my fun spot and this is my little haven. I've always believed in that thought of if its not fun anymore take a break or don't do it. Hee. I'm not at that point. I gues I'm saying there may be times that I'm just quiet but I will return as soon as I can. Thank you to all who's still sticking with me. Its appericated.


Desiray said...

Sis you do have allot on your plate right now and it's nothing wrong with rambling we have to get things out and off our chest. I believe right now you need to take a step back and breath, then walk away for a moment. What I mean is go in prayer asking God to guide you. Let Him give you everything you need so you can be all you can be to everyone.

God bless you and I will be praying for you.

Tracy B. said...

Sounds like you are going through a lot right now. Remember, if God brings you to it, he'll see you through it.

Mel said...

Thank you ladies for your kind words. It is much appericated. I know God is there and he's there to help. Sometimes it takes a few words from another to remember that.